First of the Last
by notexactlyagoddess
Summary: Raven, after Trigon's disappearance, is having more than her usual trouble containing her emotions, most notably rage. When a new villain attacks her friends, Raven's Rage escapes for good.
1. Prologue

**Note: **This is my first so please try to be kind. reviews are definitely welcome.

**Dislaimer:** I do NOT own the Teen Titans. I mean, i wish i did by no such luck right?

**The First of the Last**

The Titans were lounging exhaustedly around the Tower's main room. They had just kicked Cinderblock's new and improved butt and were totally immersed in finding all of their many, many bruises. Robin and Starfire were sitting on the couch and leaning on each other because they were too exhausted to move. Beastboy and Cyborg sprawled everywhere on the floor groaning and moaning. "Geez, what has Cinderblock been doing, working out? He almost dented my chest when he hit me that last time!" Cyborg was indignant. "Yeah, well you think you got it bad?" Beastboy complained. "Try getting hit without the metal covering. I think I broke something!" "I wish you'd break your mouth," Raven muttered as BB continued to complain like twenty people at full volume. The girl from Azarath leaned against the corner of the room, attempting to meditate.

Raven stood up cautiously when the noise did not get softer and limped her way out of the common room to the roof where she began to meditate in the peace and quiet. She sighed in relief as the aching in her limbs began to be relaxed away. That last fight had been dangerous. She had almost lost her temper twice and let out Rage. she had to be more careful or else her friends or the innocent bystanders could have gotten badly hurt. "Never again, Father," she vowed, "I won't let you win again." Raven couldn't let her friends get hurt; they meant too much to her now and if someone threatened her adopted family, they threatened her. She wouldn't tolerate that.

Sighing and letting out a small groan, Raven stopped meditating and walked carefully back down the stairs to the common room. Everyone was exactly where she had left them over an hour ago, except Robin and Starfire had actually fallen asleep and presumably fell into each others' laps. _Or maybe not by accident_ Raven thought. Although no one knew, she watched every one of her friends very closely and knew more about them than they thought. She _had_ noticed the way Robin and Starfire looked at each other when they thought no one was watching.

"Alright, who wants food?" she asked. Cyborg started and sat up. "Wha- food? ME! I am soo hungry!" BB, STarfire and Robin all agreed. Raven was just getting out the ingredients for herbal tea when the alarm went off to loud groans. "TITANS, GO!" Robin shouted as they all sprang into action, albeit very stiffly.


	2. Doctor Nightmare

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Teen Titans. If I did, Terra would never have come within a hundred miles of a Titan.

**Dr. Nightmare**

The Titans arrived at Jump City Mall just in time to see an enormous man with a black and white costume with greenish smoky design knock over a display case, spilling jewelry all over the floor. The salesclerk ran screaming from him only to suddenly slump to the floor when the man threw a canister full of gas at her. "That's right! Run, puny humans! But you won't get far. Not with Dr. Nightmare at your heels!" He laughed at the people's attempts to scatter from him. Once the green gas from his canisters reached them however, the people stopped and began to slump to the floor.

"I'll crush you all. You are no match for me and my Nightmare gas!"

Deciding that the man' s posturing had gone on long enough, Robin stepped forward into the madman's path. "Oh really? Well maybe we could give you a run for your money! TITANS, GO!" Robin leapt forward, pulling out a birdarang, followed closely by Starfire, Cyborg, and Beast Boy. Raven hung back and began to chant. "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos. Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos." Under her power, the railings from the stairs ripped free and twined themselves around Doctor Nightmare. With the villain distracted, Robin and Cyborg attacked together, punching the struggling Doctor while Star threw green bolts, scoring several critical hits.

Finally Doctor Nightmare fell down and stayed on the floor. As the Titans slowly circled around the inert villain, Beast Boy quipped, "Well I guess we _were_ a match for you." All five stepped back, alarmed but ready, as Doctor Nightmare began to chuckle, levering himself up onto his hands and knees. "As it turns out, Titans, _I_ am more than a match for you all!" he roared as he leapt up and snapped the metal railing encircling him like twigs. With one swipe of his enormous arm he knocked Robin into a wall fifty feet away. The Boy Wonder went down and stayed down.

With a feral roar, Beast Boy shifted to dino form and charged the maniac who had just knocked out his friend. Dr. Nightmare merely sidestepped and grabbed BB's tail. Swinging him around, Doc Nightmare spun faster and faster until the centrifugal force pulled BB's enormous body off the floor before he let him soar away, too dizzy to think straight enough to shift to human form. Only when a column stopped his forward progress did Beast Boy change into a disoriented human who just lay on the ground trying not to throw up.

Starfire took to the air and rained fiery green destruction on the man below. Unable to reach her, Doctor Nightmare was reduced to simply dodging her bolts as he looked for a way to bring her down to his level. He ducked into a store and Star, unsure of whether to follow or not, stopped her barrage. That was all the opening Doc Nightmare needed. With deadly accuracy, he threw one of his now empty containers at Star, catching her in the stomach. Winded, she dropped and the doctor lobbed a ball at her that broke on contact. Black gas spilled out and settled on Starfire. When it hardened a few seconds later Starfire was unable to move at all.

Raven saw her friends getting their asses handed to them on plates and began to feel an-all-too-familiar feeling stirring inside of herself. _Come on._ it said, _This isn't right. They're your friends. How DARE he hurt them! Let me out!_ it whispered in her voice. _Rage is your only hope. _I _am your only hope. GET ANGRY!_ the voice began to change, to become more masculine and demonic. Raven began to tremble violently. _No, I can't! If I let you out you'll never go back. People will get hurt. My friends will get hurt! No, nonononononono. NO, FATHER, I CAN"T LET YOU HURT MY FRIENDS! _Raven's eyes began to flicker from black to white to red to violet and back again to red. _LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! RAGE WILL CONSUME YOU! _Trigon's voice roared in her ears. _NO! You're dead. You can't hurt me! Go away! GO AWAY!_ Raven screamed silently. The voice disappeared and Raven opened her eyes to see Cyborg fighting Doctor Nightmare alone.

"Hey, Raven! I could use some help over here! Raven! Rav-arghh!" Cyborg flew across the mall food court to crash-land in the garbage. Raven watched all this numbly, unable to move. _O Azar, no! Don't let them be hurt! Don't let them be hurt!_ Part of her mind screamed at her to move, that Dr. Nightmare was coming towards her, to get away, to get revenge for what he had done to her friends, to her. _An insult to my friends is an insult to me! And he just insulted me badly!_ Her rage built inside of her until she couldn't hold it back anymore.

Her eyes flicked to red and she fell over at the sudden pain. _Free! FREEEEEE! _Trigon screamed inside her mind. Raven screamed along with him. "FREEEEEE!" The demonic edge to her voice stopped Doctor Nightmare in his tracks but then he laughed and kept up his leisurely stroll towards the hunched over girl. "Ha I can see that this will be an even easier fight than I had first thought," he said. "You, a _hero_," and he made _hero ­_sound like a curse, "can't even stand up and face me! The Titans' time is over. It's time for nightmares to rule Jump City. Eh?" He stopped talking as Raven also began to laugh, an evil laugh that held no hint of a teenaged girl's voice. "Nightmares, Doctor? You know nothing of nightmares. Let me show you the true meaning!" Raven's head shot up, revealing two sets of ruby red eyes. Without her moving a muscle, black power laced with red enveloped the man, cutting off his air supply.

_Oh gods no! _Raven screamed inside her body. _Stop! You're killing him. I don't want him to die! Just to stop him. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to hurt anybody! Give me back my body! _

Trigon hung on fiercely, trying to keep control. _Your body is MINE now! I will do what I wish. And Rage wishes to KILL! _

_No! I won't let you! I. Won't. Let. You! _Raven wrenched her body back and withdrew the red-tinged blackness of her power just in time to stop Doctor Nightmare from passing out from lack of air. He fell to the floor gasping for breath just as Raven collapsed, trembling from the use of her power and the strain of fighting her Rage.

"Well, it appears I shall have to rethink my strategy." Doctor Nightmare rasped to himself. "For now, I shall leave and live another day. But I'll be back. The Titans should count on it." He began to crawl away.

Meanwhile, Raven had recovered slightly, enough to stand up and survey her surroundings. The mall was trashed from the battle. Attempting to locate her friends, Raven couldn't find them in the wreckage. But then she saw a telltale sign of purple and green and heard Cyborg groan "What happened? How does he hit so hard?" and she sighed in relief. Turning to confront Doctor Nightmare, she couldn't find him. She whirled and saw a swish of disappearing black cloak. She followed Doctor Nightmare, determined not to let him hurt anyone else.

**So that's the end of the second chapter. I hoped you liked it.**

**Please review. I need input desperately.**


	3. Gassed

**Note:** Thanks to cap'n short and nightfiremystic for reviewing and i'm glad you guys liked it!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Teen Titans but if i did then i probably wouldnt be writing this right? That said, here's your story!

**Gassed**

Raven sprinted after Doctor Nightmare, too tired from her exertions and the strain of keeping Rage under control to bother covering the sound of her pursuit. She was within ten feet of Doctor Nightmare before the villain turned around and saw. Panting heavily, he tried to speed up and outdistance the obviously tired teen but couldn't. He was just as exhausted as she was if not more from being nearly choked to death.

Breathing hard, Raven stopped a few feet from him. "Doctor Nightmare, give yourself up. You're in no condition to fight anyone right now," she panted. "Forgive me if I seem reluctant," he pointed out, "but why? You yourself are in no condition to fight me. So I hope you'll forgive for saying 'no' and leaving." He turned to stumble off but decided to taunt the teen a little longer. She _was _just standing there again, not even trying to chase him. "Have no doubt that I will come back and this time I _will_ destroy you all. So enjoy what little time you have left to you."

Raven, meanwhile, was having trouble controlling Rage again. _Let me out! LET ME OUT! _it roared. At Nightmare's threat to her friends registered in Raven's overtired and already occupied brain, her head snapped up. Rage, seeing its chance in Raven's momentary distraction, swarmed against the blocks she had on it and broke through once again. Her eyes glowed red as her inner self screamed. Rage laughed deep and low in Raven's voice. "Oh Doctor," it said, dangerously sweet, "do you remember me?"

Doctor Nightmare whirled, eyes going wide with sudden fright at what had happened last time the girl's eyes and voice had changed. As he turned to run he pulled an ominous-looking canister from his belt. _I didn't think I'd need this and it's not perfect yet so I have no idea what's going to happen but I have to! I don't want that...that thing getting near me again. So I'll use the Nightmare gas instead of the nerve gas. It'll mask my escape and hopefully give that demon a few things to think about besides me. _He threw the canister at the sinister figure in the blue cloak which loomed over him.

"What's this?" Raven/Trigon laughed. "An attempt to stop me? How quaint, Doctor. Quaint and totally naive. Nothing can stop me! Rage is all powerful!" she laughed and bent towards the fleeing figure of Doctor Nightmare. But when the gas from the canister reached Raven/Trigon, she paused and let out an almighty roar. "What! NO!" Raven, sensing that Rage was totally preoccupied with the strange green gas, struck back at it and forced it out of her mind to regain control of her body. _NOOOO!_ Rage screamed as Raven collapsed again.

The strange green gas twined around Raven's form, enveloping her and clouding her mind. She shook her head to try and clear, straining to find Doctor Nightmare in the cloud of gas. She could see nothing and she was getting weaker by the minute. Raven stood up and advanced woozily through the cloud. Finally she saw a figure staggering through the cloud ahead of her. She tried to speed up but her body wouldn't obey. It fell to her knees and her brain kept saying to her _Just lay down. Forget about Doctor Nightmare. Forget about your friends. You're so tired. You deserve to rest. _"Yes, that sounds nice." Raven murmured, falling into a graceless heap on the floor. "Yes, rest." Then she forced herself to her hands and knees. "No! He'll get away and hurt them again. I have to stop him." She crawled along, trying to get onto her feet which persisted in giving way as soon as she was upright. "Come on. Come on, Raven!" she growled at herself. "Get up!" Finally she was on her feet and stayed that way. Scanning the area through the dissipating cloud of gas, she saw Doctor Nightmare staggering a few feet away from her, almost to the Exit door.

"No! He won't get away again!" She leapt at him, tackling him around the legs. He kicked at her and wiggled but soon ran out of energy as she hung on with the last of her strength. Finally he just lay there. Letting go of him cautiously, Raven stood up and used the last of her power to bind him with the iron railings of nearby steps. Then her knees buckled again and Raven knew that she couldn't do anything about this time. She was tapped out, mentally and physically. She let her knees do what they wanted to do and crumpled, asleep before she hit the ground. She could only hope that her friends would find the two of them soon, before Doctor Nightmare woke up.

**thanks for reading! please review. I still really need the input.**

**plus...i like getting mail.**


	4. Nightmares

**Disclaimer:** Once again, I do not own the Teen Titans or anything having to do with them. 'Tis unfortunate but I survive probably.

**Nightmares**

Blackness and cold surrounded her. The cold bit into her bare arms and legs and her breath misted as she exhaled. Shivering, she tried to move, to turn around, to leave the darkness and emptiness. She couldn't move. Beginning to panic she tried to thrash against whatever held her immobile but except for her violet-blue eyes she couldn't move at all. "Where am I? What is wrong with me?" she shouted but her jaw refused to move. All that came out was a muffled scream. She went from panic to despair. She knew she couldn't get away. She was stuck in the cold empty blackness and she would go insane.

Suddenly the scene changed. She dropped abruptly to the bottom of Hell, or so it seemed. Now, instead of freezing, she burned. Her skin bubbled and sizzled yet she still couldn't move, couldn't run away, couldn't stop the nightmare. Again she struggled, although she knew it wouldn't do any good. To her surprise and relief, she _could_ move, a little. She turned her head slowly back and forth, painfully aware of straining muscles and the pain of badly burnt skin. High rocky walls rose to a roof nearly invisible in the flickering hellfire light. Beneath her floating body, overseers with burning whips patrolled rows of cringing souls, cruelly doling out punishment to the laborers who turned spits, carried enormous amounts of rocks, or sorted burning coals.

"Hello, Raven. So nice of you to visit me." She knew that voice. That low gravelly voice that had tormented her entire life. The one she had thought never to hear again. Did she dare to turn around? She did. She whirled but only her head whipped around. Muscles pulled and cramped at the sudden violent movement. "You!" she gasped in pain and fear.

"Yes, me. Did you expect someone else?" Trigon laughed at her expression. " What, no 'Hey, Dad. How are you?' No hello kiss? Ah well I suppose I shouldn't have expected one…"

"Damn right you shouldn't have!" Raven spat out, trying to leap at him but not succeeding as she was still held in place.

"..but I admit to feeling hurt when my favorite daughter refuses to even give me a hug. And I thought that we were getting along so much better, too. After all, you did allow me to come to your world again."

"What! I never, never would! Not after the last time!" Raven screamed. "You will never have another chance to destroy, _Father_!" She spat out 'Father' as if it were a poisonous snake, one that had already bitten her.

"Oh but you did. You let me out of yourself as Rage. I am now a separate entity so I don't need you as vessel any more. You have no way to banish me this time. I truly am free. FREEEEEE! Totally FREEEEE! Forever! And I have you, my daughter, to thank." Trigon sighed and stretched his enormous, fire-covered hands towards the roof of Hell. "And now I must leave you, dearest Raven, to destroy your silly little world."

"NOOO! You can't!" Raven screamed in despair. "You can't." She collapsed sobbing as Trigon rose higher. "Oh I assure you I can, daughter, and I will, starting with your pesky friends. I shall see you soon." He left Raven on her knees, crying next to his fiery throne. Her burnt and reddened skin glowed a sickly orange-red color and on her forehead the Mark of Scath sizzled, a dangerous promise of what was to come.

--------

"No! No, you can't. You _can't!_" Raven woke up with her cheeks wet with tears. For a minute, she had no idea where she was. Then she recognized her surroundings. She was in a bed, in the infirmary of Titan's Tower. Starfire sat next to the bed, dozing, as machinery whirred and beeped all around. It was only a dream. Raven looked down and discovered that she had numerous little tubes inserted in her arms and electrodes attached to her head. She tried to sit up but fell back to the pillows with a moan. Her head buzzed and ached and she felt weak, too weak even to move.

"Friend Raven!" Starfire started awake and yelled. "You are awake! O, joyful and most relieved am I! The others will be glad to know also. Friends, friends! Raven is awake!" she called down the hallway. In less than a minute, Cyborg, Robin, and Beast Boy had reached the room and skidded to a halt before the doorway of the infirmary. "Raven!" all three chorused and then fell silent as Starfire glared at them. "No loud noises please. Patients need peace and quiet!"

The three boys looked at the floor shamefacedly. "Sorry, Star." "Yeah sorry." and "Sorry, Raven."

Raven tried to talk but all that she could manage at first was a gurgle. She cleared her throat and asked in an incredibly gravelly voice, "What happened? Why am I here?" She began to cough, wracking her body with spasms. Her friends watched concernedly and Starfire produced cough medicine and tried to pour it down Raven's throat. She shook her head and waved Star and her medicine away as the coughing died down. "I'm alright. But really what happened? And how long have I been like this?"

Robin answered, "We're not really sure what happened. We were fighting Doctor Nightmare and he defeated all of us. Beast Boy said he saw you get really tall and freak out on the Doctor. Then you got small and collapsed and then ran off. We found you out cold on the floor next to Doctor Nightmare who is now in custody. As for your second question, you've been unconscious for about forty-eight hours and still haven't shown any sign of improvement besides waking up. Why weren't you healing yourself like you usually do?" (**A/N** from _The Beast Within_)

Raven's closed eyes flew open. "I wasn't healing myself?"

"Well, no. Do you mean that it wasn't on purpose?" Robin looked worriedly at Raven who shook her head.

"When I'm unconscious, I heal myself automatically. I should be healed by now. Instead," she grunted in pain as she sat up, "I'm almost too weak to move. That's not good."

"Is there anything we can do to help you?" Robin asked with concern in his voice. "Yeah, like get you, umm..., a hot water bottle or something," Beast Boy piped up. "Or massages or chocolate or…" He shut up as Raven glared at him. "Just trying to be helpful," he muttered unhappily.

"I'll be fine. You have other things to do." Raven said. Just then the alarm went off and Robin and the others looked at each other, hesitating. "You see?" Raven lay back into her pillows. "Go. GO. I'll be fine!" The Titans left and Raven could hear Robin yelling, "TITANS, GO!" She sighed and decided to meditate. Her lack of power and energy worried her. She _should_ have been healed and ready to go back to fight with the team. What was wrong with her? Shivering slightly, she remembered her dream. It had seemed so real but thank Azar it wasn't. Trigon was gone and he wasn't coming back. Reassured, Raven slipped into meditation, wanting badly to be calmed and healed.

Heat and fear assailed her immediately. Red anger and hate pounded at her senses, blinding her and striking her deaf and dumb. She screamed inside and hurled herself from the meditation trance, jolting herself back into the real world. Breathing heavily she stared around the infirmary. _What was that? Where was that? Why didn't I go into meditation?_

Question after question poured through her mind, confusing and frightening her. Nothing like this had ever happened in all the years since the priestesses of Azarath had first taught her to meditate. _Maybe I did something wrong. I am tired and can't concentrate. Maybe that's it. I'll try again. Concentrate, Raven. Be calm._ Breathing as evenly as she could, she slipped into her meditative trance once again.

Blessed peace and relief began to spread throughout her mind and body. Raven sighed in relief which abruptly turned to a gasp of panic as her surroundings shifted sickening to red glowing balefire and lashing flames, fear and despair and hatred filling her mind once again, causing her to cry out with the pain of thousands of tormented souls. Screaming Raven threw herself away, trying to escape once again. But the tortured souls clung to her feet, weighing her down and pulling her towards the fires and eternal damnation.

Raven clawed at their hands, trying to get them to let go. "No! Let me go! Let me go!" The souls hung on, cackling grimly. Their laughter mocked her feeble attempts to free herself and seemed to say, "You deserve this. Don't struggle. Come home with us and be forever tormented as you deserve for letting loose the evil you have inside of you on the world." Raven's screams and pleadings went unheeded and the tormented dragged her into the balefire and out of reach of the blue sky she could see through a crack in the ceiling of Hell. "Noooooooooo!" Raven was gone.

**Okay, the end of chapter four. I know that's kind of an odd ending but all will rectify(this is a fun word to use. It confuses people.) itself in the next chapter so please be patient.**

**By the way, anyone who likes Raven (likeI do) and doesn't really want anything really weird or bad to happen to her probably shouldn't read the rest of the story.**

**It could be disturbing. It disturbes me and I'm the one who's writing here so...**

**well whatever. I hope you liked it.**


	5. Memories And All That Jazz

**Disclaimer:** Meep Meep. I don't own the Teen Titans or Nevermore or anything. What I really mean to say is, if you recognize it, I don't own it. yep.

**Memories and All That Jazz**

The Titans trooped wearily into the common room of the Tower, completely exhausted. They had chased Cinderblock through the sewers for at least three hours. The granite villain had escaped yet again from prison and threatened society so of course the Titans had to deal with him. They were just finding it harder than normal to deal with the number of supervillains with only four members. All were wishing that Raven would get better soon, and not just because they missed her dry wit and sarcasm.

Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Starfire practically collapsed on the couch as soon as they got in. Robin, who really wanted to sit down, didn't. He sighed longingly but maintained his role of leadership. "Come on, guys. Don't sit down now. We have to check on Raven, see if she's healed yet." he said. "We really need her. You saw what happened today. We nearly lost Cinderblock just because we were too tired to fight."

Beast Boy groaned. "Can't we rest for a little though?" he whined. "I'm so tired. Raven'll still be there later. It's not like she can go anywhere."

Robin tried to sound stern but wasn't sure he managed it. "No, we have to check on her now. Get up." Starfire stood up and stretched with a groan and Cyborg creaked to his feet. "Come on Beast Boy." Robin said.

"Don't wanna." BB muttered. All three glared at him. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" he said hastily and levered himself up. "Lead the way, boss man."

Robin did. When they got to the infirmary, he motioned for them to be quiet and called softly, "Raven? It's us. Are you OK? We're coming in." He opened the door cautiously, not wanting to disturb the girl if she was asleep. BB squirmed in under his arm impatiently. "Yo, Rae! Are you healed yet? 'Cause we really needed your help today in the fight with Cinderblock..." His voice trailed off ominously when he looked at Raven's bed.

"Hey, Robin?" BB asked nervously, "is it normal that she's floating like this?"

Raven was sitting, lotus style, about a foot over her cot, hair whipping in an unseen wind. Her eyes, squeezed shut, and open mouth made her look like she was screaming soundlessly as she hovered. Without really meaning to, Beast Boy had stepped closer to her and was reaching towards her face. He touched her pale skin and drew his hand back quickly; it was cold, colder than ice. Robin watched him then put his ear next to her open mouth, straining for the sound of a breath. Looking stricken, Beast Boy drew back, shaking his head. "She's not breathing!"

Afraid of what he was going to see, Robin looked at the heart monitor and breathed a sigh of relief. There was a beat. A strange, erratic one, true, but a beat nonetheless and heart beats meant life. Raven was alive. She just wasn't breathing was all. Nothing to panic about, right?

-----------------

An hour and a half later, Raven still wasn't breathing and Robin was starting to panic- starting, hell, he was way past starting, going towards break down.

The four Titans had tried everything they could think of to snap Raven out of what ever trance held her.

Cyborg ran analyses and even went so far as trying to shock her back awake- minor jolts that were the equivalent of sticking a bobby pin in a socket.

Robin had talked at her, tried to startle her into wakefulness, appealed to her logic, whatever he could think of.

Beast Boy poked her until Robin made him stop. When that failed, he tried telling his usual corny jokes and turning into various animals. Eventually, he got so frustrated he grabbed her around the shoulders and shook her, yelling. Robin and Cy had to drag him off of her and wouldn't let him back into the infirmary until he promised to behave.

None of the boys knew what Starfire tried. She shooed them all gently from the room, insisting she wanted privacy. As soon as the door whooshed closed, three ears pressed themselves to the metal, straining to hear. Only vague murmurings made it through and the boys eventually gave up waiting.

Robin finally left for the training room to work off his frustration and nervous energy. Cyborg and Beast Boy both hurriedly refused his invitation to spar with him and pretended to be busy.

Once Robin left, the two friends sat down outside the infirmary and talked.

"What's wrong with Rae, Cy? She never...I mean, nothing like this ever happened before. Why does it happen now?" Beast Boy mumbled, his head in his hands.

"Better not let her hear you call her that; she'll kill you," Cy warned and then sighed, leaning back to look up at the ceiling. "I have no idea, man. If I did, do ya think I'd be out here?" He shook his head tiredly. "I can't even think straight right now, BB. We both need sleep and we're not doing anything helpful just sitting here. So let's just go to bed for now, alright?" He stood and walked stiffly down the hallway.

Beast Boy sat outside for a while longer, his tired brain whirling in circles. He thought about Raven and all the time since he had met her. Icy and removed at first she warmed up to all four other Titans. Her smile was so different now. Before it made her look like she was in pain. Then it became a scary smile, right after Malchior, when she began to loosen up a little. A smile then usually meant something unpleasantly funny was about to happen, like getting hit with the stankball. Recently, even before Trigon was defeated, Raven had begun to show glimpses of a genuinely happy smile. He smiled remembering her birthday party, when she had actually grinned and laughed.

Lost in thought, he didn't hear the door whoosh open. He did notice when Starfire tapped him on the shoulder. "Friend Beast Boy, I am finished. You may see Raven now. Where are Robin and Cyborg?" she asked. Beast Boy blinked up at her for a minute, too tired to register what she was saying at first.

"Wha-? Oh, uh, Robin went to the gym to train and Cy said he was tired and went to bed. I'm gonna go in. I'll be careful. Thanks, Star." She nodded to him and headed off towards the gym. Beast Boy crept into the infirmary and sat down in a chair next to Raven's bed. She still floated, hair whipping, mouth screaming silently.

Staring at her mournfully, Beast Boy began to speak. "Rae-Raven- I have no idea if you can hear me or what but I'm gonna talk anyway. We need you, Rae- you're part of our family. Sure you can go all creepyfreaky and scare the hell outta the rest of us and you don't like to talk all that much but you are one of us. We care about you-you are our friend. I know you say you don't do emotions and stuff but I know you do. You just don't show them. You _do_ care for us too and that's the important thing, not anything that happened with your dad. I know you feel like that was your fault, but it wasn't. _It wasn't_. You tried to fight it by being a Titan and that's what's important. Where ever you are right now, whatever's happening, just remember: it wasn't your fault and we all admire you for trying. So please...come back to us."

Beast Boy sat and stared after he finished, looking for signs of life. Seeing no immediate signs, he settled back into his chair to wait. _I will stay awake and see her get up! _he thought determinedly and promptly fell asleep.

------------------

Beast Boy was dreaming. Or rather, he was remembering. Eggs, tofu eggs, _exploding_ tofu eggs. An attempted apology and a broken door. Getting sucked into that creepy mirror. Meeting Raven's various weird emotions. And her father. "The mirror you found is for meditation. It is a portal into my MIND - NOT A TOY!" Beast Boy winced even in his dream, remembering her anger. The words echoed through his subconscious. "portal into my MIND, portal into my MIND"

He started awake muttering, "into my mind, into my mind." Looking around, he realized he was still in the chair next to Raven's bed and she still hovered above the clean white sheets.

Remembering his dream, he sat up straighter in sudden enlightenment, exclaiming, "Into her mind! The mirror! Gotta find the mirror!" and ran out of the infirmary and down the hall towards Raven's room.


	6. Mirror, Mirror

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Never have, never- well maybe I will, if I get my way. But for now- No. 

**Mirror, Mirror**

A half hour later, Beast Boy had dragged the other Titans from their beds to the infirmary and so they sat, yawning and sleepy-eyed. Beast Boy, practically bouncing with excitement, waited as long as he could before blurting his secret out. "I know how to find Raven!"

The three tired Titans looked at one another, a sleepy 'DUH!' look. "Beast Boy," Robin began tiredly, "we know where Raven is. She's right there." He yawned and waved tiredly in the direction of her bed. "We just need to wake her up." The Boy Wonder was not at his sharpest when he was exhausted.

"I know!" Beast Boy's excitement didn't fade. "It's just her _consciousness_ that's missing. We need to get into her mind to find her!" He stressed 'mind', staring pointedly at Cyborg. "Into her _mind._" he said. Cyborg stared at him in sleep-addled confusion. BB quirked his eyebrows up and down, glancing sideways at Robin and Starfire shiftily. "_Her mind_, Cy."

Sudden comprehension lit Cyborg's face. "Oh! Her mind! Like that time we-" and he cut himself off, giving Beast Boy a secretive glance. Both nodded, leaving poor Starfire and Robin completely in the dark.

"The time you what?" Robin demanded.

"Nothing!" both chorused guiltily.

"Tell me! I need to know if it will help Raven." Robin once again demanded. "Hey! Come back here!" he shouted as Beast Boy and Cyborg both turned and darted from the infirmary. Starting to run after them, he suddenly gave up and sat down, sighing. Starfire stared at him in confusion and then down the hallway after Cyborg and Beast Boy.

"Should we not chase them?" she inquired.

"No, Star, let them go. When they're ready to explain they'll come back." Robin sat back in his chair, resigned to waiting. "I don't see why he bothered to wake us up if he's not going to tell us anything." he grumbled and tried to get comfortable enough to sleep on the couch. Starfire shrugged and sat down next to him, still wondering.

-------

Beast Boy and Cyborg stood in front of Raven's door, staring at the lock. "So, dude, can you break her code?" Beast Boy looked expectantly at Cyborg. "I would have gotten the mirror myself but I, uh, couldn't get the door to open. So I had to get you to help, see?" He twiddled his thumbs guiltily. It was true he hadn't gotten the door open but not from lack of trying.

Cyborg sighed, seeing his expression, and nodded, turning to the keypad outside Raven's door. Within seconds, the door whooshed open on darkness. Beast Boy's jaw dropped. "Hey! Can you teach me how to do that?" he exclaimed. "It would be so cool!"

"No." Cyborg spoke definitely, peering into Raven's darkened room. He felt for a light switch on the wall and flicked it 'on'. A dim orange glow radiated from several small lamps, barely lighting the enormous room. "Apparently Raven hasn't redecorated in a while." And Cyborg was right. The same red-eyed ravens perched around the room on darkly polished furniture and piles of books loomed everywhere. The grotesque comedy/tragedy masks rested on black marble pedestals and the light from the doorway glinted off oddly-shaped, ancient-looking chests and braziers.

"Let's get the mirror and get out of here."

Both boys began to search, opening drawers and rifling through what seemed to be an endless supply of blue cloaks and leotards. They scattered piles of books and moved everything, but they couldn't find the mirror, Raven's portal into her mind.

Beast Boy even bravely checked in her closet, knowing that Raven would flay him alive if she found out. Some things were more important than physical well-being: namely, Raven's mental well-being.

Finally both Cyborg and Beast Boy admitted defeat, stepping back and viewing the mess they had created. "Where the heck is the mirror!" Beast Boy exclaimed. "It's gotta be here _somewhere_. She uses it to meditate."

"What might this mirror look like?" a voice from behind Beast Boy inquired.

Assuming Cyborg had spoken, Beast Boy spun angrily, shouting, "The mirror, Cy! The creepy looking handheld mirror that attacks people who look into it!" He found himself face-to-face with a puzzled looking Starfire.

"St-Starfire! What-what are you doing here?" he stammered, trying to block her view of the trashed room.

She stepped around him and began to wander around, despite his best efforts to stop her. "I followed you and friend Cyborg. I believe you would say that curiosity got my tongue?" She turned and looked expectantly at him.

"Actually," Cyborg cut in, "I think you mean your curiosity got the better of you." He snorted at the expression on Beast Boy's face and had to pretend to cough to hide his snickering from the outraged changeling who glared at him.

"You know, Star," the green boy began, "curiosity killed the cat-"

"Oh but Robin says that satisfaction brought it back," Star commented absentmindedly. "So I do not believe I am in any danger." She had wandered over to Raven's dresser and was examining the items on its top. "What did the mirror look like again?" she asked.

Beast Boy sighed resignedly. "It's a handheld mirror with carvings on it."

"Rather like this one?" Starfire held up a small mirror from the top of the dresser where it had lain untouched during the boys' frantic search. The two boys traded astonished looks and stared at Starfire who smiled dazzlingly at them.

"That's it! Thanks, Star!" Beast Boy exclaimed, reaching for the mirror in Starfire's hand only to overbalance as she whisked it out of his reach. "Hey!"

"No," she said firmly, "you do not get the mirror until I get my satisfaction of curiosity. Why is this mirror so important? And what did friend Cyborg mean when he said 'like that time we-'? What are you not sharing with Robin and me?"

Cyborg and Beast Boy exchanged a look that showed that they knew Starfire would not back down before Beast Boy took a breath and began the story.

"See it all began that time Dr. Light showed up and Raven freaked on him. Remember that-"

----------

-and so Raven and all her other selves kicked her dad's butt and we got back here." he finished. "Can I have the mirror now?"

Starfire nodded absently, handing him the mirror. "This explains much. And you and Cyborg believe that you can reach her through this mirror?" Beast Boy nodded warily, clutching the mirror to his chest but carefully not looking in it.

"Then we must get Robin and go into the mirror!" Starfire exclaimed, clapping her hands together. Before either Beast Boy or Cyborg could protest, she had seized their wrists and was dragging them down the hall to the infirmary and Robin.

-----

-and so Raven and all her other selves kicked her dad's butt and we got back here." Beast Boy tiredly finished explaining for the second time to a skeptical Boy Wonder. Starfire had dragged him in and of course he had had to explain everything to Robin who was still sleepy and disoriented from his impromptu nap and abrupt wakening.

"So...what you're saying is that this mirror is a gate into Raven's mind? And using it we can see why she's like this?" Robin waved at the still floating Raven. Beast Boy nodded eagerly. "The WHY didn't you tell me BEFORE? Like when all this first happened!" Robin shouted. Beast Boy shrank back, stammering in consternation.

Cyborg said, "We, me and Beast Boy and Raven, I mean, didn't think you had to know, man. You know, kinda a general unspoken agreement. Just didn't seem all that important at the time." He stood relaxedly as Robin glared at him. "Look, it's over and there's nothing we can do. What matters right now is Raven. Every minute we," he gestured at Beast Boy and Starfire and himself, "have to spend arguing with you, god-only-knows-what is happening to Rae. So can't you just let it go and focus on the important thing?"

Robin's shoulders slumped and then straightened as he nodded. "Okay, then."

Beast Boy clapped his hands together decisively. "Alright then, what are we waiting for? Let's get going!" He began to glance into the mirror but Cy stopped him.

"Who's gonna stay and protect the city? We can't all go. It's dangerous in Rae's mind; we almost didn't make it out alive last time. If something happens, there's gotta be someone here to guard the city." Cyborg's words stopped everyone in their tracks. "We all want to go-Raven's our friend- but we _can't_. _Someone_ has to guard the city. I want to go as much as the rest of you but to make it easier, I'll volunteer to stay behind. Who else is gonna stay with me?"

"I'm going." Beast Boy's tone brooked no argument. "I know my way through Raven's mind and since Cyborg's not going, someone else has to be a guide. That's me." He turned defiantly to Robin, expecting him to refuse to let him go but Robin said nothing.

Robin face was contorted, clearly showing the conflicting emotions that battled inside. The need to save his teammate, his friend, clashed violently with the need to uphold his oath to the citizens of Jump City. He struggled to choose. "I-I..." Robin's normally impassive visage showed his indecision.

Starfire saw his confusion and made a choice for him "I will go. Robin will stay behind with Cyborg." Robin stared at her. She smiled at him weakly. "You are needed more here, I believe. As I also believe that I am more needed with Beast Boy. And-and I think that Raven will need another female to steady her."

Robin slowly nodded, hating her for making his choice for him and, at the same time, loving her for it. He just wanted to save Raven himself. "Right. Then Beast Boy and Starfire will go into the mirror to-to save Raven." He spoke through gritted teeth. "Get ready."

Beast Boy and Starfire nodded, moving closer together. Beast Boy took a deep breath before looking into the mirror. Two pairs of glowing red eyes superimposed themselves over his and Star's reflection. Neither even had time to scream as black and red energy pulled them into the depths of Raven's mind.

**yep that's the sixth chapter. Hope you all enjoyed.**

**Special thanks to Moon's Darkness who read _and _reviewed- don't worry! Pain and suffering in next chapter!**

**please review, all! **

**oh…. and have a Happy New year….. hehheh**


	7. Mindgames

**Disclaimer: **Don't own 'em.

Mindgames 

Starfire and Beast Boy materialized in the air about ten feet above the ground. Both hit and rolled over, quickly standing and scanning the landscape. Beast Boy's jaw dropped. Instead of the "place where air fresheners are from", snow blanketed the earth. Trees, covered in sharp daggers of ice and bare of green, clawed viciously at the slate grey expanse of sky above them. No birds chirped; not an animal moved.

Beast Boy had trouble believing his eyes. Instead of bright sunshine and the million-kilowatt grin of Happy, grey clouds and tundra rank with a feeling of menace and despair met the changeling's gaze. Starfire instinctively moved closer to her friend.

"Beast Boy, where are we? This unpleasant place cannot be friend Raven's mind. And where is the Happy you spoke of?"

"I don't know, Star. We should be in Happy's, uh, land but it never ever would look or feel like this. We have to find her because she'll know what's wrong with Rae. Come on. It'll probably be easier to search from the skies." Beast Boy peered upwards, not liking the idea of flying in that dark sky but liking staying on the ground even less.

He shifted into his largest flying form, the pterodactyl, and launched himself into the air. Starfire hesitated before joining him. She liked the feeling of menace and hate far less than Beast Boy; for someone who thrived on emotions like unbridled joy and righteous fury, the oppressive atmosphere was like a weighted blanket, pulling her down.

They flew through the bitingly cold air, searching for any difference in the gray and white landscape, any small deviation from flat, snow-covered ground. Several times, they had to stop so Beast Boy could transform into a warmer form. He would stay a snow leopard or tiger long enough to warm up and then shift into the pterodactyl again. Neither he nor Starfire could understand why they felt so alert and wary but the size and ferocity of the pterodactyl reassured both.

For a long time, so long that even Beast Boy lost track, they searched and found nothing besides snow and ice. Disheartened, they set down once again for Beast Boy to switch. He huddled miserably in polar bear form, trying to trap heat as Starfire paced anxiously. The alien girl, able to fly through deep space without worrying about cold, was not worried by the snow and below freezing temperatures but she wanted to find Raven as soon as possible and the constant delays upset her. She understood Beast Boy's need for warmth but wished the delays were not necessary.

"Beast Boy, might you not track her, as you sometimes track those such as Cinderblock? With the smelling?" Starfire's impatience showed in her slightly pleading tone of voice and in her anxious stare.

Beast Boy nodded slowly, unsure, really, if he could. "I could try, Star, but I have no idea if I could get a scent in all this snow. Maybe a wolf?" He fell forward onto a wolf's padded paws and shook himself, settling his fur before scenting. Nose in the air, he strained to find the smell of Happy, of Raven, on the blisteringly cold winds. He caught a faint whiff of something not part of the endless white expanse. The scent of herbal tea and peppermint drifted almost undetectably through the air. Beast Boy made sure he had it and then raised his green snout to the sky and howled.

Starfire, watching apprehensively, jumped at the bone-chilling sound. Shifting back to his normal form, Beast Boy laughed at her expression, the tension gone from him because he had found her.

"I got her!" he exclaimed. "Found her scent. Never thought I'd like her stupid herbal tea but now-" He laughed aloud again in sheer exuberance. Relieved, Starfire threw snow at him. She had thought the worst when she heard the mournful-sounding howl.

"Where is she?"

"Close by. I couldn't really get a strong scent but I **know** it's her. Come on. Let's get off the ground. I keep getting this skeezy we're-being-watched feeling." Beast Boy leapt into the sky, relieved to leave the ground. The being-watched feeling lessened a little in the free openness of the air.

Starfire followed him gladly. The feeling of unfriendly eyes on her also disturbed her but the worst part, for Starfire, was the underlying feeling of animosity and malice in the eyes. It dampened and disheartened her.

Beast Boy circled in the air, waiting, hawk wings spread and ready to speed towards the horizon in the direction from which he had smelled Happy. Seeing Star, he flew into the wind and trusted her to follow his lead.

----------

She was farther than he thought. After what seemed like an hour, something different appeared. A pink glint sparkled in a lone ray of sunshine. The two Titans landed and could clearly see Happy, trapped in ice, a living sculpture. She stood legs braced, arms flung out, fingers wide apart, head bowed as if pushing against some unseen force. Her pink cape was frozen, rippling in some violent nonexistent wind and her hood was down, revealing short pink hair transformed into icicles, giving her the look of a rebellious teenager who spiked her hair.

Beast Boy cautiously approached the frozen emotion, wary of traps and unpleasant surprises. Nothing happened. He peered at her face, trying to see past the obscuring ice. No matter where he stood, at what angle he cricked his neck, the ice blocked his vision. Frustrated, he stood and knocked into the statue. It teetered and rocked as Beast Boy froze in horror. It fell-

And was caught by Starfire, inches from the ground. She gently replaced it on its feet, holding it for a second to make sure it wouldn't tip again. To her surprise, the shoulder under her steadying hand began to move. Alarmed, she took several backward steps and watched with Beast Boy as the ice on Happy seemed to disappear, simply vanishing from her body.

Happy stumbled forward, tripping and falling to her hands and knees. She jumped up almost immediately, ready to fight, eyes searching for an attacker. Almost instantly, she noticed Starfire and Beast Boy, who had both started toward her, happy that she was free.

"Hey, Happy!" Beast Boy exclaimed. "Long time no see. How'd you get stuck in all that ice?" She stared at him, eyes narrowed suspiciously and he chuckled nervously. "Okay then. Don't have to tell me. But could you tell us where Raven is? It's really important."

When he said 'Raven', Happy's suspicious look snapped into anger and loathing. "You!" she hissed. "You're not getting to her." She attacked Beast Boy, surprising him. He went flying, propelled by a roundhouse kick.

Starfire, confused, avoided Happy's kick at her head and punched back instinctively, sending Happy stumbling back. Unwilling to attack again, Starfire tried talking to the pink-clad version of her friend. "Please, what is wrong? We simply want to find Raven. Why do you attack us? We are your friends!"

"Shut up!" Happy snarled. "You're not going anywhere." Once again she attacked, her hands a blur of punches and chops which Star barely blocked. A hooking sweep kick caught her behind the knees and she fell, hard, at Happy's feet. Happy sneered and kicked at Starfire who rolled out of the way, scrambling to her feet. She had no idea why Happy was attacking her but she didn't want to hurt her.

Happy cursed and dropped into a defensive stance. Starfire also crouched and they circled each other warily. Over Happy's shoulder, Starfire saw Beast Boy sneaking closer. He motioned for her to be quiet.

He had been watching Happy's attack on Starfire and waiting. Now he had the chance. Leaping onto her back, he grabbed her arms and pinned her down. She struggled as Beast Boy sat on her back. He looked at Starfire in amazement. "Her skin's like ice. She's freezing!"

Suddenly she stopped wriggling and lay still. Beast Boy glanced down at her and met her eyes. Her eyes glowed _white_ and she smiled ferally. Beast Boy scrambled backwards but not fast enough. Once again he was flung into the air, landing hard on his back.

Starfire rushed over to him and helped him up with one hand, glaring at Happy. "What are you doing?" she demanded. "We have done nothing to you."

Happy merely gave another animalistic grin, her eyes sparking white. Raising a hand, she began to chant Raven's mantra. "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos. Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos." Beast Boy and Starfire ran forward, trying to stop her. They were almost to her when Happy's hands glowed with black power which flooded out, piercing them with what felt like hundreds of ice knives. Beast Boy and Starfire screamed together, falling to their knees, writhing.

Happy stood over them, laughing. "I told you that I would never let you get to Raven," she said, her voice going hard. The two teenagers at her feet began to go intangible, fading from existence. "Now you will pay for what you did." She turned away, her cloak swishing over the two almost intangible teens. "Good-bye."

As she turned to walk away, she felt a tug on her cloak. "What? No!" she cried, vanishing along with them. Beast Boy, through his pain, had grabbed onto her cloak, dragging her with him. His last thought before he succumbed to agony was "Raven, I'm sorry." He blacked out, still picturing a blue-cloaked figure fading from sight.

----

Heat washed over three figures lying on burnt and stained gravel. They roused slowly, two of them, the green one and the one in purple, moving stiffly, as if hurt. The third one, the one wearing pink, shook her head woozily before pushing herself to her hands and knees.

She stood with difficulty, trying to get her bearings. Only then did she notice the heat. "No," she whispered. "No!" She raised a hand in front of her face and stared in disbelief as the fingers began to shrink, melting, the colors of her skin and her pink clothing swirling together. Dark beads of moisture gathered in her palms and dripped to the ground, hissing into steam when they struck.

Happy screamed, waking Starfire and Beast Boy up. They stared at the sickening sight in front of them. Happy's features ran together as she stood screaming, like a wax figure. Beast Boy wasn't sure what was worse: the screaming or its abrupt end when Happy's mouth disappeared. Still she stood in a gathering pool of dark pink water which steamed and bubbled in the blistering heat. Beast Boy couldn't tear his eyes away from her but Starfire could and did, retching violently

Finally it was over. Happy was gone, melted. Beast Boy could finally look away and noticed Starfire, huddled in a miserable ball. He silently helped her up and she wiped the tears from her face.

They looked around them in horror. They stood on a cliff overlooking an enormous cavern. Fire flickered, lighting scenes of torture and suffering. Demons wielding whips mercilessly flogged figures in tattered clothes who labored among the flames. A hot wind from below wafted the sound of brokenhearted sobs and anguished screams to the ears of the Titans. At the far end of the enormous cavern, a dais towered above the sea of torment, giving a perfect view of all the suffering.

For some reason, Beast Boy was convinced that that was where Raven was. He pulled Star cautiously down to the ground, avoiding whip-wielding demons, making his way to the dais.

He and Starfire walked carefully through the flames, which seemed to reach out to ensnare them. As they passed by, the souls near them stopped working to stare and clutch at their heels. They gobbled, moaning and trying to pull the two into the flames with them. The chains wrapped around their wrists and ankles clanked horribly, a cacophony of tormented metal. Starfire and Beast Boy shrank away from their skeletal grasping hands, hurrying towards the dais.

After an eternity of creeping along in the oppressive heat, they reached the bottom of the stone and stared up. There was no way up. No stairs and the dais loomed nearly thirty feet over their heads. They had to fly it. Beast Boy managed to shift to bird form and get into the air but Starfire couldn't even hover. The pain and torment of all the souls, seeing their suffering, had depressed her to the point where she couldn't summon the joyful feelings necessary to fly.

Beast Boy tried to help her but she couldn't. "Go without me, friend Beast Boy. Leave me here and find Raven yourself." He protested but she was insistent. Finally he circled away, catching warm updrafts to rise to the top of the dais. What he saw at the top both alarmed and excited him. He plunged downward.

"Star! I found her! She's up top! Come on, you've gotta come!" Beast Boy grabbed her hand and hauled her into the sky. She flew next to him, depression forgotten in a moment of hope.

They alighted and Beast Boy pointed. "There she is. But I couldn't get close before because of those guys." 'Those guys' were several nasty-looking demons, clubs with spikes in hand and long whips. They stood around a figure crouched at the base of a gigantic, bloodred throne. It was Raven.

Starfire, outraged on her friend's behalf, let loose a furious barrage of starbolts, peppering the demons with machine gun blasts. Beast Boy charged in, triceratops horn tossing demons left and right off the dais. Between the two of them, Star and Beast Boy soon had the area clear.

Throughout the entire fight, Raven had huddled against the throne, unmoving. Now her two friends approached her apprehensively. "Rae? Raven? It's Beast Boy and Starfire. We're here. You're okay now. Alright? So let's go home." Beast Boy reached out to her. She shuffled backwards. A clank made Beast Boy look at her hands. She was chained to the throne. Starfire silently blasted the restraints and held out her hand. Raven whimpered and edged away from her. Starfire and Beast Boy looked at each other helplessly. What were they supposed to do now?

---------

Raven remembered only a little of what happened after her father left. The heat and the hate and despair-that was constant. Sometimes she seemed to remember a little green man talking in a high pitched voice, "It's not your fault, Raven." But it _was _her fault. But she couldn't remember _what_ was here fault, only that it was and she had hurt people she cared about. And then she'd remember her father and the souls dragging her down to where she belonged.

Then _They_ came, the ones with the whips and the chains. _They_ chained her to her father's throne. She remembered fighting _Them_, defying _Them_ and how _They_ had punished her. She remembered her futile show of anger and defiance. _They_ had laughed at her and hit her with the whips until she couldn't stand any longer. Even then she hadn't given in to _Them_. Stupid. _They_ didn't like defiance.

The screams of the poor souls _They_ had tortured to break her still echoed in her heart and mind. She could feel their pain as if were her own, feel her flesh sizzle and tear, taste the blood and sweat and bile, know their despair and hatred. The hatred was worst. They hated _her_ because they were being tortured. It was for her, her fault. _No, no, I never wanted anyone to get hurt!_ she had wanted to scream. But then she could hear them saying, _Well, someone did get hurt and it's all your fault! Demonchild scum!_ Then she had cried and _They_ had laughed and chained her up again and left guards to torment her.

The guards had left for a while and that was good. But now there were two new demons and they growled at her. The short one had tried to grab her but she dodged it. Then the tall one had fired something at her and the chains broke. It growled at her, pointing and trying to grab her and drag her away. She refused to move, to go to more torturing. She'd rather die than sit through more torturing.

"Come on, Raven. Let's go!" The tall one spoke and she could understand it. She decided that she wouldn't care any more. _I don't want to live like this. Better to die fighting._ She stood and looked it in the eyes. Making her voice as calm as she could, she asked, "Are you going to torture me more?"

-------

"Are you going to torture me more?" Raven asked Starfire, scaring her friend with her cold uncaring tone of voice.

"Of course not!" Starfire exclaimed, shocked and distraught. "Raven, we are taking you home!"

------

"Of course not! Raven, we are taking you home!"

Raven heard the demon's words and felt a pang. Home? Where was home anymore? "I don't have a home," she whispered, turning away. "Don't taunt me any longer, demon. Leave me alone."

-------

"Leave me alone." The words were like a slap in the face to Starfire. She reeled back, staggering as if Raven had actually hit her.

"What do you mean? We're your friends, Raven! You do have a home, with us in Titans Tower!" Beast Boy seized her wrist. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" Raven whirled, her eyes red, hands filled with black fire. "I don't have any friends! I don't deserve them or a home. Don't taunt me any longer. I can't take it." Her voice trailed off, sadness and longing dripping in every word. "I can't take it."

--------

Raven couldn't believe that demons could be so cruel. How could they dangle the one thing she wanted more than anything in front of her when she couldn't ever have it? She remembered friends and home but she was never allowed to touch them again. She was condemned to watch forever, never being a part of that again, for her sins.

Now these two demons were tearing her apart. She wanted to go home, needed to see kindly faces and hear bad jokes and fix cars, but she couldn't. They would only be hurt for knowing her, loving her and being loved by her. It would be all her fault. Again. And she couldn't let that happen.

She hated them, these demons who tortured her emotionally, wrecked havoc with her psyche. She loathed them and their mindgames. "No more games. No more torture. No more feelings. Don't want it, any of it. Want to go home but can't. And it's all my own fault!" She lashed out in anguish, black tendrils grasping for the demons, searching for throats to encircle.

-------

Beast Boy and Starfire both took to the air as the writhing black tentacles reached out. They couldn't figure out what was happening. First Raven asked them if they were gonna torture her, then she denied having friends, and now she attacked them. Obviously something was wrong. _Duh, great leap of logic there, Beast Boy,_ he thought. _Now what?_ he asked himself for the hundredth time in a minute.

"Star," he shouted, "we've gotta get her to calm down. Can you hit her with a starbolt? Gently, I mean."

Starfire nodded dubiously. It wasn't like Raven was moving. She aimed carefully and shot, scoring a direct hit. Raven collapsed on the ground like a ton of bricks, black power abruptly disappearing. Her friends approached her cautiously. Making sure she wasn't about to wake up, Starfire carefully picked her up, carrying her limp form.

"Come, friend Beast Boy, let us leave this dark and dismal place," she said. He nodded in solemn agreement.

The three of them faded from view as below them whips cracked and laborers moaned, harried by demonkind and flickering malevolent flames.

**---------**

**geez that took a long time. Sorry bout that. But the chapter's longer than normal so I hope that makes up for it.**

**Thanks to Moon's Darkness, Ravenara, and Lai-Ku for reading and reviewing. **

**And to you! For reading anyway.**


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